just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
