and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
