Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
