Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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