Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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