the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
