4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
