They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
