Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
