You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
