it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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