don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
