The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
