And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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