Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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