Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
