I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't turn off my feet"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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