if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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