Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
