Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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