she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize