We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
