Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
