and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
