I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
