Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
