What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So vagazzling was a success
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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