i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
