if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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