stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
