i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
