The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
