one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
