If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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