it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize