just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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