Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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