The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
