does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
