my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
