The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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