We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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