I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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