I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
