no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
