Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
