his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
