You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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