i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even my vagina gasped.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
