My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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