he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
