I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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