Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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