Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
