ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
