I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize