I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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