If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
