I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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