Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
