So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i was born a porn star she said
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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