I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize