Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
