if i died would you start the facebook group?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
