i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
