if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
