Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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