it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
