I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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