I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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