Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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