Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
