I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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