I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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