yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
