i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
