this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
