dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
