if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
