I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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