im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
