Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
