Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I FOUND THE LEGS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
