I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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