I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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