Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
