so explain again why im purple
no
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
